Let me know if you’ve heard this:
Why would a poor person vote Republican? It’s voting against your own self-interest.
The dunce will then go on to explain that voting for Democrats is beneficial because “you get stuff” or “they care about poor people” while on the other hand, Republicans — and then we’re subjected to the grossest hyperbole of cigar-sucking, ascot-wearing old white guys in leather chairs, burning hundred-dollar bills while mocking poor children for being hungry.
It’s like that idiotic final scene in Shooter where Tammany Hall-like fat cats sit around glorying in their own ridiculously corrupt power before the sniper with a heart of gold sneaks in and blasts them into eternity.
Yeah, it’s nauseating. For the longest time I figured that the progressives were putting us on. But no! They actually believe this crap. That or they’re running this same play over and over in the hope that it sticks.
Either way, it has to stop.
One comic recently said,
I can’t wait until I can afford to become a Republican. I’m a Democrat now by necessity. I need the help here.
He then expanded into an unfunny rant about wanting enough money to say, “Fuck poor people.” Without a hint of irony, I might add. And said that Republicans making less than $80k a year are embarrassing themselves.
So to retort…
That’s like saying, “I wish I were sober enough to stop smoking crack. ”
Seriously, if you’re part of the human race and still voting Democrat, stop it. You’re embarrassing yourself.
If only you were smart or educated or brave enough to vote Republican. I mean, I hate to break it to you but you want to join those evil one-percenters, you already have. They vote Democrat too. Yes, those Wall Street progressives that those made out like bandits with the bailouts also voted for Obama. And for Clinton. And Gore. And Dukakis. And Carter, and LBJ…
I wish I were vapid enough to vote Democrat. I mean, who doesn’t want to be popular? To gain the adulation of clapping monkeys in a comedy club by praising politicians who were bought by billionaire socialists to demand that one half the country pay for the other half so they can pretend to care while doing nothing.
I wish I were vapid enough to believe Democrats. I mean, those evil Republicans openly condemn welfare – we got them on film – so they must hate the poor, right? It’s harder to sell the fact that for the last 50 years those policies you claim to need relegated you in ghettos and incentivized violence, illegitimacy, laziness, lousy schools, drug use and an economy that steals you future.
And all you have to do is vote Democrat? What could be easier than that?
These progressive “saints” even claim you’re too stupid or lazy to bring a valid license to that voting booth! So come as you are!
Vapid, man. You just have to suck down your yearning soul, you know, like every other November or something, and pull that lever for the DNC.
Oh, and occasionally you have to mock everyone who doesn’t want to live on that liberal plantation. Because they’re racists, Uncle Tom’s and traitors to their people — if you’re reading the talking points correctly.
Because the Democrats wouldn’t like to you, right? I mean, why would the party of slavery, segregation, and the KKK lie to you about Republicans?
And what’s the GOP going to do? Explain that they’re not your idiotic vision of Scrooge McDuck? That they build small businesses in your neighborhoods, serve in churches, support their fellow man and give FAR MORE in charity than liberals do? That they believe government is not only not the answer, but the problem? Who’s going to believe that?
Stay vapid, my brother. And ignorant and arrogant and cowardly as you want to be. The Democrats will care for you. Just look at Detroit. Chicago. Ferguson. Look at the black unemployment rate under Obama. I haven’t heard any jokes about that. Or the national debt. Or that the Democrats gave up on the poor and are now recruiting new voting stock from illegal immigrants.
Go ahead, make some jokes about that, dumbass.